I get annoyed at people for no apparent reason. And that’s something I probably can’t avoid. So I don’t actually mind if people do not like me or do not want to deal with me. But to judge my worth, qualification, and competence by merely looking at me and observing my actions is just way too much of a professional’s quality. I have expected people to be wiser than that. Well, irrationality knows no profession and age. You can be old and a professional and still thinks like a savage.

To the person who has assumed the responsibility of estimating my worth as a professional:

We’ve shared nothing more than decent smiles, and hi’s and hello’s, and casual talks about work related matters. I wonder how you’ve arrived at a firm idea that i’m not fit to continue with what I have started. First, I’m not one of your subordinates so you don’t know how I perform and so you’re not as well qualified to desperately announce your unsolicited opinions about me in a supposedly formal and professional discourse. Again, you’re not my superior, so your little concern regarding how I act should have been between the two of us. I would have appreciated it had there been an effort to at least make me realize that there’s something wrong with the way I deal with my job. I don’t remember you reminding me about what I should not do or how to PROPERLY act and be as prim and proper as you. Talking to the person in a closed-door room is probably a little hard for you to do, so you convicted me with your pristine homophobic morality around your associates. Slap me with solid reasons why I should not continue, then I will give in to your whims and caprices. I will withdraw my application. But do not pronounce my ineligibility when all you have is a self-proclaimed truth.It made me realize that you appraise a person based on his personality and not on his character. I don’t assume the character of an angel. i have my share of flaws, so to speak. But I don’t lurk around and prey on innocent individuals, if that’s what you’re afraid of. There are those whose actions have blatantly crossed the line of professionalism and they’ve been in the institution way too long. But I wonder why you have not taken action against them. Be that as it may, I wish you wisdom and peace of mind.

August 01, 2007

“Modeling is the simplest way to uphold character education. While I am not suggesting that teachers be immaculate, they should somehow exemplify upright behavior. One cannot instill right conduct to anyone if he himself does not possess it.”

Am I modeling right conduct to my students? I hope and I believe so.

“It is also necessary that teachers establish good student-relationship. Some students like being tapped on their shoulders for a task well done or for a question well answered. A child discouraged by academic, athletic, and artistic failure often needs encouragements to ward off self-pity.”

This was the wannabe psychologist in me. haha… But I like these lines so much. I think I have been consistent in practicing this idea.

“Academic discussions may be swept away tomorrow. But their learned values will be instilled to them for good. Moral influences outlast academic learning. As teachers and educators, we can leave our students a legacy that will remain constant throughout their lives. “

winner na concluding statements ito! hehe.. sige.. I will always keep this in mind.

It takes a great amount of determination to set your foot on the starting line without losing your focus, especially if the other end is not visible and seems impossible to reach. And to make things worse, it is so tempting to just settle for things that are within one’s reach making it difficult to take further steps.

Indeed, success is only for the spirited. And I’d be damned if I don’t step on that starting line!

I remember Ayn Rand’s powerful words “Living life is not avoiding death”. These words have somehow haunted the hell out of me for years. I wouldn’t want to risk my life over anything else. I wouldn’t want to do something that would harm me. I’m afraid of problems, I’m afraid of responsibilities, I’m afraid to die. and i know this is something detrimental to the self.  how lame can life get when one gets stuck in a vacuum- completely static and afraid to take further steps to achieve progress. The demise of the body is not the exact opposite of life. Dying and living is one continuum. Physical death is not to be feared of.  Let me quote what I have written about the juxtaposition of life and death months ago.

“Death would be satisfying only when life had been fulfilling. The demise of the body is one’s sweetest reward for the exhaustion of human potentials to pursue essence. Life had been wonderful, and death is rewarding. A man who dies happily speaks volume of his worth.”

“Death would be painful only when life had been hollow. The demise of the body is one’s ultimate reminder of his failure to be happy in his life. Life had been bitter, and death is a downfall. A man who dies bitterly speaks volume of his futility.”

Living life goes beyond whims and vanity. There’s pleasure in indulging in any tangible phenomena like eating delicious food, buying fancy clothes, facebooking, sex, etc. But then again, at the end of the day, one would be haunted of the thought as to how these fleeting pleasures bring about progress in the formation of the “ideal man”. Absurdity is a phase I am encountering right now. And I’ll be damned if I let myself get stuck in this slump. I’ll my live my life the way it should be even it costs my life. This is the first step i guess. Its time to be a “man”.

I

June 9, 2007

Holding a pile of books with her hands slightly trembling, Kelly strode along the bridge-like corridor filled with students sitting just anywhere. A group of students sitting on one of the benches near the faculty office stared at her, surprised, as if she were a mythical character in a fantasy movie that had magically appeared in front of them. “What the heck are they looking at?” Kelly asked herself as she started to become conscious of herself. As she reached the spot right in front of the next bench, she suddenly remembered she had forgotten to take her shades off. The Guidance Counselor had once warned her not to wear any sort of accessories. Kelly had nearly burst out laughing at the exaggeration. But now, she got what the Guidance Counselor had meant. She cast her eyes at one student to another and she noticed what was so obvious. But Good Lord! It’s bright here outside. Is it a crime to wear shades? She thought.

For a while, Kelly stopped walking in the middle of the corridor and stared at the school ground where she should pass through before she could reach the school library. It was filled with groups of students obviously talking about how excited they were on this very first day of classes. She imagined these eager students whining about school requirements a couple of weeks from now; an indication of their gradual lost of excitement.

Not wanting to attract attention from more students, Kelly held the books in one arm and reached for the shades. The books slowly slipped from her arm and created a slapping sound that made all the students turn their head to her direction. Cursing herself for her clumsiness, she knelt down to pick up the scattered books. A muscular pair of hands grabbed the last two remaining books from the floor. Kelly stood up and found herself standing face to face with a student approximately 5 feet 9 inches tall. He looked young and undoubtedly good-looking. His eyes had a shade of light brown with long eye lashes and thick fine eye brows. His complexion was obviously lighter than any other students’, though it was evident in his tan muscular arms that he was used to tough labor. His glossy lips were thin and reddish. The most prominent part of his face, though, was his pointed nose. His thick black hair was badly ruffled; making him look impeccably childish.

The increasing number of students looking at them brought her back to reality. Kelly fixed her composure and reminded herself that she was not supposed to be smitten by some good-looking kid. “Thanks for the help”, she said, expecting him to give her the books. But he just looked at her, having an impish smile on his gorgeous face, with the books still on his hands. Darnit! What’s wrong with this kid?

“Look, Mister… what’s your name?”

“Garfield”

“Ok, Garfield… Garfield? Yeah whatever… Look, I should reach the library as soon as possible because the flag ceremony might start at any moment and I should return these books and get other reference materials. In short, I’m rushing. So be a good boy and hand me those books”, she exclaimed with a controlled tone which she always used whenever she wanted something back from her three-year old nephew.

she was starting to lose her patience. Kelly had not expected what happened next. He pretended to hand her the books, but he unexpectedly dropped them and scampered off the corridor.

“I think you better pick them up yoursellf, Ma’am. See you around.”, He was waving his hand as he headed towards the school canteen. Kelly heard whispers and giggles behind her. What a brat! Prepare yourself when I see you in one of my classes, Kelly thought as she picked up the books.

The bell rang with so much volume Kelly almost fell off from the teacher’s table where she was comfortably sitting in crossed legs. The students burst out laughing.

“Do not forget the things I told you to bring tomorrow, okay? Goodbye class. See you tomorrow.”

“Goodbye and thank you, Ma’am!” said the whole class in unison with a tone absolutely monotonous and bland. Kelly stood up and gathered her things. She looked up at the weird-looking old clock on the wall across her. It had been an hour since she stepped inside this classroom. At first, she was a bit anxious introducing herself to her second year students as a new English teacher for this school year. They were so silent paying attention to her every word and gesture. She could see in their innocent eyes that they were curious about her. She tried to let them introduce themselves and encouraged them to tell more about themselves, but all they said was their names and their birthdays. It was apparent in their limited speech and awkward gestures that they totally lacked self-confidence, so the remaining time ended up with her talking about random things. They obviously loved it. She was even able to make some students raise a few questions about her. Most of the questions, though, were about her love life.

Walking towards the faculty room, Kelly could feel eyes following her direction. All of a sudden, she felt naked with those eyes seemingly scrutinizing her. Some students greeted her with a genuine smile as she passed by them. Though the students were generally friendly, they were obviously intrigued by new people in their school especially by a new teacher coming from the city.

Since she didn’t have sets of uniforms yet, the principal had instructed her to wear casual attire for the time being. She had chosen her low-waist black slacks to wear that day; paired with her white blouse tightly embracing her slender figure. Her black sandals with 1.5 inch heels showcased the smoothness of her feet. Her straight stylish hair was perfectly pulled back with a black pony tail. She looked fresh and wholesome that day, she believed.

She smiled at everybody as she entered the faculty room. She found her area just beside a wooden file cabinet with plenty of dusty Science projects which might have been placed there immovably for centuries. It was intolerably hot inside the room so Kelly searched for her fan inside her black shoulder bag and undid two buttons of her blouse from the top. The action made the other teachers present in that room look at her with much surprise written on their wrinkled faces.

“It’s… hot in here, don’t you think so?” she exclaimed with hesitation. Most of them forced a smile and went back to their paper works.

The always loud and jolly Abby, the Guidance Counselor, stormed inside the Faculty Room breaking the awkward silence. Abby dragged a chair and sat beside her. She had first met Abby during the first Faculty meeting held a week before. She instantly liked her and they eventually became friends. She gave her a tour around the school campus right after the meeting and she was surprised how wide it was. Agriculture was apparently a part of their curriculum. There were landscapes and gardens within the school campus.

“So, how’s your first class?” Abby asked with excitement.

“It was great. I talked for one hour,” She emphasized the irony in her voice. “

Well, what do you expect? You’re a teacher.”

“Yeah, right! That’s why I shouldn’t expect responses from my students?”

“I’m telling you. It’s either you get used to the students’ passiveness and tolerate it or you aim for reformation. Especially that you’re an English teacher. You know what I mean.”

“We’ll see.” Kelly said with a shrug.

“By the way, I saw what happened at the corridor a while back.” Abby was smirking mischievously, apparently anticipating Kelly’s reaction. For a moment, Kelly didn’t know what to say as her cheeks burned red at the thought of the embarrassment.

“Crap! That was completely humiliating.” She lowered her eyes and pretended to write something on her note pad.

“Why did you not do anything? You just let that imp make fun of you in public. I couldn’t stand watching you there, down on your knees, while the whole world was laughing their ass out at you.”

“Abby, seriously, you’re not helping. What did you expect me to do? Grab him by the collar and kick him in his balls?” Her cheeks burned red even more. Abby’s laugh reverberated in the entire room.

“That would have been hilarious.”

“What’s his name, by the way? Garfield?”

Abby cracked laughing for the second time. “Who told you that? His name is Charlie. Charlie Lopez”

Charlie? What a queer name for a tough guy. She thought.

“I have lots of things to do. I better get going. If you need anything, you know where my office is. Bye, Honey. Good luck.” Abby winked at her and went off.

She crumpled the sheet of paper which she had been doodling on and raised her eyes to the people who she’s going to work with for almost a year. They had obviously been listening to the entire conversation. Suddenly, she wished she had her own office, too.

Charlie was leaning on a pine tree, savoring the taste of his Iced Tea under the burning heat of the sun. He stared at the new teacher 30 feet away from him. She was obliviously laughing as she talked with the old canteen tenant. She was probably enjoying everybody’s attention. Charlie was sick of hearing his classmates talk about how gorgeous she was. There was no denying, though, that she was indeed a head turner. She was probably not older than 22. Charlie could still vividly envision how she looked like during his encounter with her at the corridor. Full lips, perfectly shaped nose, wide angelic eyes, heart-shaped face, long gracious neck. But above all these, she was just another selfish city girl who would never appreciate the kind of life they had in this small village. He looked away and shoot the Iced Tea bottle which he had unconsciously squeezed in his hand into the garbage can near him.

Majority of the population in the Philippines consist of marginalized individuals. Besides basic necessities, education is the top priority among the poor. Despite financial struggles, parents send their children to school to secure a better future for them. With this regard, parents would always remind their children to take education seriously so they won’t have to endure the hardship of poverty. Consequently, this scenario has developed a kind of coping mechanism in the system of every poor family towards their struggle in attaining education. The eldest among the siblings or any of the siblings who has finished his education first carries the burden or responsibility for the education of the rest. He is expected to look for a job to sustain the education of his siblings.

On a larger scale, the hierarchy of priority seems to play an important role in one’s view about education. In the Philippines where everyone’s priority is to feed hungry mouths, people seek a kind of education that would equip them to have jobs that pay a high salary. This is the reason why there is a tremendous number of students taking up nursing courses or any course that is highly in-demand. Care-giving courses are offered here and there all over the country. Year in year out, a large number of people desire to work abroad as nurses or caregivers. Sometimes, taking-up an education degree is not out of passion for teaching but for the purpose of teaching abroad in hopes of a high salary.

It is also for this reason that individuals do not pursue the kind of education that cultivates their innate talents and skills. Skills like writing or anything related to arts are often neglected and are not pursued because of socio-economic issues. Usually, such skills are considered as mere “hobbies”. As far as financial stability is concerned, only a very few people pursue their skills and talents to be their profession. As a result, courses such as journalism, fine arts, and photography are underappreciated, and worst disparaged. Consequently, establishments for educational purposes seem to be relatively lacking. There are no enough libraries and museums in our country.

The country seems to be concerned only with “employment”. It seems that education here in the Philippines is a tool in preparation for jobs like call centers, tutorials, and care-giving. People end up in such jobs because, sometimes, they are not given a choice. They do not have the luxury to be what they want to be. People are motivated by money, and that’s where their education is leading them.